Rough times...

So not only am I learning how to trust God all over again and know that everything is going to be ok, I got sent home from my placement today. I mean I felt fine this morning beside not getting enough sleep. I was standing outside with the kids and was starting to sweat at 9:30 this morning...so that should be a sign that something was wrong. So my teacher felt my forehead and another teacher did the same and I went to the nurse and I had a low grade fever. 99.4. And I told her I took medicine this morning so she said that it could be worse than that. So the nurse sent me home. I have taken a nap and it helped a little but I just want to sleep some more. I don't want to do anything. I want to ignore the pain I'm feeling with me being sick, but also with everything else going on. I wish that things could have been different. I miss him, and I wish he knew how much I wanted to talk about it and work through it before it came down to this. Wish we could have come to a mutual agreement. You always wonder what happens when somebody does this to you, and it feels like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. I have cried so many tears I know it's not going to fix anything so I think I'm going to cry when I need to but besides that, I'm going to hold my head up high and work through this. I still like him...more than he probably knows...and more than I could probably express. It's hard because I was afraid to get hurt and I want to shut down on him and then I wanted to make it work....I wanted it to last...next week was 8 months....not a day wasted. I feel pain that I have never felt before, pain that I wish upon nobody , and pain that I wish could be taken away with an I'm sorry...


There are many songs I'm listening to right now because this is how I handle things like this. But anyways, I'm going to work on some homework now and see what I can get done and hopefully I'm well enough to go to my placement tomorrow...the kids were making me feel better about everything....